School Project
by Jamie Love
Summary: When chosen by three girls to be the subject of a research project, Artemis finds there is more to life then books, suits and computers. AFOC AFHS. Please R
1. Prologue

A/N: Okay, I know I'm digging myself into a hole writing this, but I can't help it! I had the most romantic dream involving Arty and Holly and a few people I had no idea who they were. Anyways, I'm writing this at my own risk. I'm gonna try my best to update everything on time though. Enjoy!

**Disclaimer: I own the plot, the three odd OCs, and one or two locations. Apart from that, Eoin Colfer gets everything. He even gets paid! Lucky him.**

**Saint Bartleby's School for Young Gentlemen, Noon, Present Day**

Artemis Fowl walked into Principal Guiney's office, feeling both agitated and confused. Why on earth did Dr. Guiney wish to see him, mere minutes before he was released for spring break? It didn't make much sense. But still. He shook his head and forced a smile onto his face. "You wanted to see me, Dr. Guiney?"

Principal Guiney looked up from his desk and smiled. "Yes, Artemis. I did. Please sit down. I'd like you to meet a few people."

Artemis sat, and it was at that precise moment he realized that he would regret answering the principal's summon. Seated in a corner of the room, were three young ladies. They were dressed in blue and gray uniforms, with matching blue bows in their hair.

"Artemis, I'd like you to meet Genevieve, Alexandra, and Tiffany. They go to Saint Augustine's School for Young Ladies about a mile south of here."

Artemis nodded at the girls, who giggled and whispered to each other. He had heard of Saint Augustine's. His mother had gone there when she was a young girl.

Dr. Guiney frowned slightly at them, then looked back at Artemis. "They are conducting a school project for extra credit, and need a subject on which to test their theory. A male subject. And they have chosen you as their…eh…specimen."

Artemis frowned and looked at the three girls. "I'm sorry to disappoint you, madams, but I must disincline your request to take part in this research. I am much too busy at the present time."

The girls just giggled harder. Not the response Artemis had been hoping for.

Dr. Guiney sighed. "This project is not optional. I have already informed your parents, and they have made arrangements for these young ladies to stay at your home during spring break. At the end of their stay, in one week, they will present their report to both schools. You will also be graded on your ability to cooperate."

Artemis blinked several times, then nodded weakly. This was going to be a long week.

A/N: I'm so evil. I don't know why, but I just love torturing Arty. Review please! I'll have the next chappie out by next weekend.


	2. Lesson One: Of Heart And Of Mind

**A/N: Thank you to the few people who reviewed. It means so much, so on and so forth. Anyways, I'm really busy, but this is fun to write so I'm gonna try updating weekly. Enjoy!**

**Hot Fuss: Not Exactly...**

**Disclaimer: I own the three girls and the plot. That's it.**

**Fowl Manner, 10:00am, Next Day**

Artemis stood outside the guest room, bracing himself. He didn't really want to enter the room, but knew he had no choice. If he didn't cooperate, then he would fail. It didn't reassure him that his straight A record was in the hands of three giggling teenage girls.

He glanced down at the piece of paper clutched in his hand. "_Artemis." _It read. _"Come to the guest room at Ten O'clock sharp to begin the testing. Remember; you'll be graded on your ability to cooperate. Yours truly, Genny, Alex, and Tiff." _He sighed, forced a smile onto his face, and entered the room.

The room looked much different then it had when his relatives had stayed there. There were now three beds, a slide projector, a chair with straps on the armrests and three large duffle bags. Two of the girls; one with short black hair and dark blue eyes and one with curly brown hair and bright green eyes were standing in front of a mirror, smearing lipstick on their lips. The third girl, a red head with hazel eyes, was fooling with the projector. The three seemed to be in the middle of a conversation.

"Okay," Said the red head. "Brad Pitt or Eminem?"

"Ooooh!" Squealed the brunette. "Tough one. Ummmm…I'm gonna have to go with…Brad Pitt."

"Same." Said the girl with black hair. "What about you, Alex?"

Alex opened her mouth to respond, but spotted Artemis first. "Artemis?"

"Huh?" Both girls turned away from the mirror and saw Artemis. The girl with black hair jumped over to him and smiled. "Why hellooo Artemis. How are you?"

"Quite well." Artemis replied tartly. "But, before we begin, I would like to know the topic of the research I will be taking part in."

The brunette walked over and beamed at him. "Of course! We're studying the Relativity of Psychiatric Repremandation."

Artemis blinked several times. "I'm sorry to disappoint you ladies, but 'Repremandation' is not a word. And the rest doesn't make much sense anyways."

Alex was now flipping through a box of slides. Every now and then she would add one to the projector. "Oh, we know that. We just came up with the name so we could get credit for a fun project. Tiff, could you plug in the projector?"

The brunette walked over to the wall and pushed the plug into the outlet.

"Then, what is the project?" Artemis asked, knowing he wouldn't like the answer.

Genny, the girl with short black hair, smiled wickedly. "We're gonna make you a girls dream-come-true. In other words, we're turning you into the perfect guy. Perfect looks, perfect clothes, perfect attitude, perfect words, perfect kisser, you name it! Then, we're gonna get you a date with whichever girl you find most attractive, and monitor the whole thing."

Artemis blinked several more times. "You cannot be serious!"

"Oh, but we are!" Said Tiff, walking back over to them. "Now take off your shirt."

Artemis frowned. "Why?"

Genny giggled. "A; so we can see what we've got to work with. And B; we need to run our first test."

Artemis shook his head. "No. Absolutely not. It would be improper for me to remove my shirt in the presence of a lady. Not to mention three."

Tiff giggled. "So polite. That's good. But stubborn. That's bad. We need you to take off your shirt, Artemis darling. And we will use force if necessary. For instance…" She walked over to one of the duffle bags and rummaged through it for a few moments. When she returned, she was holding a small, black handgun. "Shirt. Off. Now."

Artemis gulped and removed his shirt.

"Put that away!" Genny and Alex snapped in unison.

Tiff stuck out her tongue, but put on the safety hatch and threw the gun on one of the beds.

"Now." Said Alex, finishing with the slide projector and walking over to him. "Sit!"

He sat obediently, watching helplessly as Genny and Tiff strapped his arms down tightly.

Alex had taken out an EKG Machine and began sticking those suction cup-like things with wires coming out of them that the author of this fic does not know the name of on his chest, stomach and temples.

Genny smiled and began talking as if she were a flight attendant. "Welcome to day one of your Hottie Training. We shall begin with seeing what gets your heart pumping. The Heart Monitor Thingy will monitor your heart rate and we will rate it between one and ten, depending on what the Heart Monitor Thingy says. Understood?"

Artemis groaned. "Yes, I believe I understood, though your lack of grammar was almost unbearable."

Tiff grabbed a spray bottle from her duffle bag and sprayed Artemis with ice-cold water. "No! Bad boy! You do not talk like that to a girl! Now try again."

Artemis held his tongue and said. "Yes, I understood."

Tiff smiled. "Better."

"Okay." Said Alex, flicking off the lights and turning on the projector. A picture of a girl with super-model looks and a shirt that revealed quite a bit of cleavage appeared on the wall Artemis was facing.

Artemis blinked. Then he felt his heart beating against his ribcage.

"Hmm." Murmured Genny, who was pouring over the EKG Machine. "That's about a…seven. Pretty high…"

Tiff marked down something on a clipboard she had gotten somewhere and Alex pressed the projection button. A new slide appeared.

"This is Pricilla." Alex explained, as Artemis examined a picture of a blonde giggling and giving the peace sign to whoever was taking the picture. "She's a cheerleader and kind of dumb. A lot of guys think she's hot though."

Artemis frowned. His heart rate returned to normal.

"Ooooh." Giggled Genny. "Tiff, mark down a two. And write that brains are a turn-on for him."

Alex pressed the button and another picture appeared. Artemis went bright red.

On the wall was an extremely large picture of himself of a baby. A naked picture. In fact, half the screen was obscured by his naked baby butt. His heart rate shot up again. "Where did you get that?"

The three girls were howling with laughter. "N-nine point seven." Choked Genny, holding on the back of the chair for support. After a few minutes the laughter died down and Alex pressed the button again. It was of a set of blonde twins this time, wearing matching red tank tops and mini-skirts. His heart rate went up again.

"Eight point two." Genny reported. "Wow, this guy's a pervert!"

Alex clicked the button again. This time there was a picture of a brunette girl with glass, sitting in front of a computer. "This is Gwenith." Alex said. "She's a B student, but she practices Ju Jitsu. She's pretty good at it."

At the mention of Ju Jitsu, Artemis's heart began beating hard again.

"Um…that's another seven. Write down that athletics is another turn-on.

The slides continued, and by the end of it the three girls had decided his turn-ons were brains, strength, red hair, hazel to green eyes, pretty faces, and rather large breasts. Finally Alex turned off the projector and flicked off the lights. The three girls huddled in a corner and whispered for a few minutes. Genny pulled three lengths of string out of her pocket and held them in her fist. All three picked one, and Alex got the shortest. They all walked back over. Alex's cheeks were flushed red.

"May I please leave know? It is getting quite late."

"Almost." Genny said, trying very hard not to giggle. "We've got just one more test. Alex?"

Alex sighed, and leaned over Artemis. "Don't get any ideas." She mumbled. "This is for the project." She gripped his shoulders gently, then pressed her lips lightly to his.

His breath caught in his throat. The sensation was remarkable. His eyes remained open, and he could see large hazel eyes staring back at him. He started to kiss her back, but she pulled away quickly, though she remained rather close to him.

"Ten." Genny whispered, gazing at the two in surprise.

"That was…amazing." Artemis breathed so only Alex could hear.

"What are you talking about?" She murmured, smiling lightly. "We didn't even get to first base."

"First base? There are bases?"

But before she could answer, Genny and Tiff had unstrapped his arms and thrust him out the door saying. "We need to Analyze, see you tomorrow!"

Artemis stood in the hallway in shock. His first kiss. Her amazing lips. Her beautiful hazel eyes. Her astonishing strength…wait. Alex wasn't strong. And to tell the truth, her eyes weren't all that beautiful. Not as beautiful as…as who's? Who else did he know with hazel eyes? No one. He puzzled over this for a few moments, then walked back to his room to find a new shirt.

Lower Elements Police, 9:00pm, Same Day 

Holly Short sat in her cubicle, doodling on a piece of paper. She was bored out of her mind! Ever since Artemis Fowl had been mind wiped, things had gone back to the boring old routine. But she didn't miss him! Of course she didn't! Why should she? He was just an arrogant, selfish, intelligent, dreamy, gorgeous, hunky, mudboy. Okay, so maybe she did miss a teeny tiny bit. But there wasn't anything she could to about it! He was a thing of the past now. He didn't remember anything about her or the people. She sighed and looked down at her drawing. It was of herself in a wedding dress and Artemis in tux. She blushed and shoved the drawing into the paper shredder. Maybe she should sign up for Fowl Watch. Just to check and make sure that Artemis hadn't remembered the people. But that was all! It wasn't as if she was head-over-heals in love with him or anything like that. What would give anyone that impression?

**A/N: Okay. As you can see, Artemis does not remember Holly or the other fairies. Do Genny, Alex and Tiff seem a bit Mary Sue? Well, they aren't. Genny is too dumb, Tiff is too aggressive, and all of them arent that pretty, that smart, or that perfect in any way. Alex is slightly more perfect then the other two, but she still isnt a Mary Sue. ****And I did say this would be an Arty/OC fic as well as an Arty/Holly fic. Review please!**


	3. Lesson Two: Smiles

**A/N: I know, I know. I apologize for the delay. I usually update earlier. But, see, I keep all my stuff on a laptop, and my darling little brother broke it when he was having a tantrum. Then I got grounded because he was somehow trapped out in the rain. Then I was mourning over the seven or eight chapters I had done of the fic I was waiting to publish until I was finished. You know, so I could update really fast. I'm going to update everything as quickly as possible, but its gonna take some time.**

**Lesson Two: Smile!**

Artemis walked into the guest room for the second day in a row. His back and arms were sore from being strapped to a wood chair, but he was in a pretty good mood. In his mind, things couldn't be much worse then yesterday.

"...Alright," Tiff was saying. She was brushing her hair and looking into a mirror. "Name the guy you regret dating most and why."

"Leon Preston," Genny replied, digging through her duffle bag for something. "Because he was a terrible kisser."

"Terrence Sarlington," Alex muttered darkly. She was holding a screwdriver and attempting to tighten the straps on the chair without much luck. "Because he was a jerk and a moron and I hate him."

Artemis glanced at the chair and began wondering weather it was too late to sneak out and pretend his alarm clock hadn't gone off.

Alex looked up and grinned. "Hello Artemis!" She walked over to him and hugged him. "Good morning!"

Artemis was shocked by this action, but before he could react she had grabbed his arm and was leading him over to the chair.

She pushed him lightly into the chair and walked over to a corner to grab something. Tiff began strapping his arms down.

"Eh...Miss Tiffany, might I ask if..."

Tiff looked outraged. She hit him with surprising force in the stomach, knocking the air from his lungs. She finished strapping him in, sprayed him twice with her spray bottle, and stalked over to her bed, grumbling.

Alex returned, watching her friend with her eyebrows raised. "Sorry about that," She murmured. "She hates being called Tiffany. She got expelled from her old public school for beating a guy to a pulp because he called her it."

Artemis blinked. "Is she unstable?"

Alex smiled. "Oh no. She isn't. Just violent and a little crazy. But I can make it up to you."

He looked up at her and smirked slightly. "How? Another kiss would suffice." (A/N: Was that OOC? Oh well, he's a pervert in this!)

She went pink, and glared at him. She grabbed Tiff's spray bottle and sprayed him in the face. "No! Bad boy!"

He shook the water off his head. "Would you mind not using that? And don't talk to me like that! I am not a dog!"

She glared at him. "Well then, stop drooling like one." She set the thing she was holding onto his lap and began playing with projector.

He glanced down and it, and saw that it was a small clear box filled with an assortment of tiny spray bottles. "What is this supposed to be?"

"Its different types of laughing gas." Genny said brightly. She and Tiff had walked over to the chair. Tiff was still grumbling. "And since I seem to be the only one who doesn't want to kill you at the moment, I'm going to be giving them to you."

Artemis glanced at the other two girls. Tiff had her arms crossed and was staring at the ceiling, and Alex was muttering and flipping viciously through the slides. "Perhaps that would be best."

"Of course it would!" Genny giggled. She cleared her throat and, just like the day before, adopted the tone of a flight attendant. "Welcome to day two of your Hottie Training. Today we will be working on your smile and laughter. You see, to be a perfect guy, you have to smile. So we're going to show you some slides of funny things and try to make you smile and/or laugh. If all else fails, I'll be giving you laughing gas. Got it?"

Artemis held his tongue and replied with a quick nod.

"Great!" She walked over to the wall and flicked off the lights.

Alex and Tiff exchanged a meaningful look as Alex found her place behind the projector and Tiff picked up her clip board.

Genny returned and took sat down in the chair next to him. "Okay. We ready?"

Alex nodded and turned on the projector. On the wall appeared a picture of two kittens wearing shorts. One was holding a sword. (A/N: This and all the following pics are real. If you would like to see them, please Email me at frowned. "Why would I find animal cruelty amusing?"

Tiff ground her teeth and Genny folded her arms. Alex, however, smiled slightly. She pressed the button, and the picture was replaced with one of a girl's head with blonde hair. Her skin and tongue were green, there was blood on her lips and eyebrow, and her eyes were pure white.

Artemis's eyes grew wide. "That's appalling, not amusing."

Tiff scribbled something down on her clipboard and Genny glared at him. Alex seemed to be holding back laughter.

The next picture was of a baby. His mouth seemed to be stretched into a huge smile, but his mouth was amazingly huge.

Artemis smiled slightly. "Well, perhaps this is a bit amusing. But it is obviously fake."

Alex beamed at him as she pressed the button again. The next picture was of a squirrel. It was hanging off of a bird feeder, eating the bird seed inside.

Artemis smiled wider. "Intelligent." He commented.

It continued on for several hours. Each time Artemis found something amusing, Alex would smile at him. Tiff slowly stopped frowning as she wrote things on her clipboard, and after a while she was smiling and chatting normally.

"That was great!" She said enthusiastically. "We almost got you to laugh, Art."

"Its Artemis." He replied, as Alex unstrapped his arms. "And what does any of this has to do with the opposite sex being attracted to me?"

"Everything." Replied Genny. "Trust us."

Alex grabbed his arm. "I'll...uh...walk you to your room. Come on."

They walked down the hall, Alex talking happily. "Thank you Artemis. This project is really important, even if we did make it up."

He frowned slightly. "Why is it so important? Its only extra credit."

She sighed and linked their arms together. "Well, all of us are failing science. The Dean says that if we don't pull up our grades, he's gonna kick us out. And, we've been kicked out of every other school in Dublin, public and private. If we get kicked out of this school, our parents are going to send us all away. Tiff will go to Germany to live with her grandmother, Genny will go to England to live with her Uncle, and me...I'll be going to Spain. To live with my older sister." She sighed again and rested her head on his shoulder.

He felt himself start to sweat. "Why were you three expelled from the other schools?"

She smiled. "Tiff got into too many fights, Genny failed too many classes, and I...well...lets just say I had a few problems with boys."

Artemis had a distinct impression he didn't want to know much more about it. They stopped outside his room. "Well, thank you for the lovely conversation. I will try to be a bit more complacent."

She beamed at him. "Thank you."

"Can I ask you something?"

She cocked her head slightly. "Sure. What?"

He went slightly red. "Um...what's first base?"

Alex giggled slightly. She stood on her toes and kissed him gently. Only this time, it was a bit different. After a few moments, her tongue slid into her mouth and touched his own tongue briefly.

He closed his eyes happily, but she pulled away after only a few moments. He opened his eyes again and stared at her in amazement.

She was smiling at him, her cheeks slightly pink. "_That's_ first base." She murmured, and before he could answer she had ran off.

He stood there for several moments, then retreated to his room to ponder the mysteries of women.

**A/N: Okay, I apologize for it being so short and without Holly. I promise next chapter will have tons of Miss Short. I also promise to have the next chapter out by next weekend. Thank you and don't forget to review.**

**Oh and one more thing. I feel really n00bish asking this but...what does AU stand for? o.0**


	4. Lesson Three: Save The Last Dance part 1

**A/N: Okay, I'm back. This one took a little longer then usual. But it was fun to write. Does Alex seem like a slut? If she does, perfect! Anyways, here's the next chapter. Enjoy!**

**Flamer(s): You do realize that I'm not forcing you to read this, don't you? If you don't, your life must really be pointless. And besides, by reviewing you make people think that more people like my fics, making them want to read it even more!** **So thanks!**

**Disclaimer: I own the plot, the "ditzy" girls, and nothing else.**

**Fowl Manner, 10:00am, Next day**

Artemis walked into the guest room for the third day in a row. He wasnt really sure what to expect, but when he walked in he was relieved to see that the chair was gone. In fact, there wasn't anything in the center of the room.

Alex was sitting in front of a CD player and flipping through a collection of CDs. Tiff and Genny were busy reading magazines.

"There's a Simple Plan concert in the U.S. next weekend." Tiff murmured.

"Oh, we should go!" Genny said.

Alex laughed bitterly. "Yeah, like my parents will let me go to the U. S.! They don't let me doing anything anymore! Not sense..." She looked up abruptly and noticed Artemis. "Hello Artemis!"

Genny and Tiff looked up and threw their magazines on their beds.

Alex selected a CD and placed it in the player, then she walked over, grabbed Artemis's arm and pulled him into the center of the room. "Tiff, your up."

"Might I ask what today's test is?"

Genny jumped to her feet and adopted the flight-attendant's voice again. "Welcome to day three of your Hottie Training. Today we will be working on dancing. You will take turns dancing with the three of us, seeing as each of us only knows a few dance types. Um...what kinds of dancing do you know?"

Artemis thought. "I can waltz."

"Anything else?"

"No."

Genny blinked. "This is going to take a while. Okay, Tiff, your first."

Tiff walked forward and grabbed Artemis' hand. "Okay. I'm going to teach you salsa. Got it?"

Artemis thought about it for a moment and decided it would be best to comply. "Very well, what do I have to do?"

"Just follow my lead, alright?"

"Um...okay."

Genny pressed the play button, and a song came on. He recognized it as Quiero by Jerry Rivera. (A/N: Don't ask.)

Tiff put his hand on her hip, put her own hand on his shoulder, and they began. He wasnt all that bad. He followed her movements, and soon he was dancing to the music. It was a rather nice feeling. Salsa...

-Two minutes later-

"OW! You moron! That was my foot!"

"I apologize, Miss Tiffa-Miss Tiff."

"OW! You did it again!"

"I'm sorry!"

"OW! OW!" She let go of him and gave him a shove, making him collide with the wall.

"Alright, lets try something else." Alex said quickly.

"Okay. Lets do tango."

"Who teaches that?"

"Tiff."

"Oh no! I'm not teaching him again. And you know what? I think he needs to be taught a lesson." She stomped over to her duffle bag, pulled her gun out of it, aimed, and fired it straight at Artemis.

**A/N: Ha! I know, I'm evil arent I? You'll find out what happens when I update. Which I will try to do very soon.**


	5. Lesson Three: Save The Last Dance part 2

A/N: Back! Sorry it took so long. I have news…I have officially dyed my hair! It has gone from brown to auburn. Woot! So, here is chapter five. Um…I know I left off at a weird angle, so…yeah. Enjoy!

"Oh no! I'm not teaching him again. And you know what? I think he needs to be taught a lesson." She stomped over to her duffle bag, pulled her gun out of it, aimed, and fired it straight at Artemis.

It was at that moment that Butler walked in. He analyzed the situation in an instant and jumped right in front of Artemis. He closed his eyes, waiting for impact.

There was a load bang, then silence.

He opened his eyes to see three teenage girls staring at him with their mouths slightly open. The one who had fired was now holding the gun loosely in her hand. He walked over to her and grabbed the gun. "Where did you get this?"

"Umm…eBay." She replied, trying her best to look and sound innocent.

He held it in front of her face. "This is not a toy. It is a dangerous weapon and…"

"Dude!" She interrupted, hands on hips. "Who are you? My friggin mother? You cant tell me what to do!"

He glared at her. "You could have seriously injured someone."

She snorted. "How the hell am I going to hurt anyone?"

He held up the gun as an answer.

She looked at it and held out her hand. "Give."

"No. You shouldn't even have this…"

"Its mine!"

"You could have killed someone…"

"Just hand it over!"

"Your lucky it was a dud."

"Your such a moron."

"I am going to inform your school and…"

"THEIR BLANKS!"

Butler froze. "Blanks?"

"Yeah. Ya know, the ones were they don't really do anything, just make a really loud noise?"

"I know what blanks are." He paused.

"Does your principal know you have this?"

She tapped her chin. "Uh…NO!"

He glared at her. "Alright then. I'll be keeping this." He slipped it into his pocket. "And if I hear of anything like this happening again, I'll call both schools and have this project called off. Understand?"

She ground her teeth for several moments, then nodded grudgingly.

He smiled. "Good. You may resume your project tomorrow. Good day, ladies." He led Artemis out of the room. "Artemis. Are you alright?"

Artemis straightened his suit. "Yes, old friend. I am perfectly fine. I am merely a bit shaken."

He nodded. After leading Artemis to his room, he turned and walked away. Artemis laid on his bed, thinking hard.

Lower Elements, Holly's Apartment, Same Day (I know, I know)

Holly lay on her bed, thinking hard. It wasn't that she liked Artemis. No, of course she didn't! He was a human. She was just completely and utterly in love with him. She rolled over and began banging her head on the bed post, muttering "Stupid, stupid, stupid!"

After about ten minutes of this, sporting a pounding headache, Holly stumbled out of her room and into the kitchen. She got an icepack out of the freezer, along with a pint of ice-cream, and sat down on the couch.

She flicked on the TV and began watching a romance movie that Foaly had lent her, called Brown Sugar. Half way through it, her Vid-phone rang.

She set her empty ice-cream container on the table, put her icepack back in the freezer, and pressed the accept button. "Oh, hello Foaly."

"Hi Holly. Just wanted to call and tell you that Root said you could have Fowl watch."

"Okay, thanks."

"Have you watched that movie I let you borrow?"

"I'm watching it right now. Bye!"

"What do you think of-" The centaur was cut off by Holly ending the call. She turned and walked back to the couch, pressing the play button, smiling happily to herself.

A/N: REVIEW!


	6. Lesson Four: Sweet Words and Soft Kisses

A/N: Okay, here's the next chappie. I'm so sorry! Its just I'm totally swamped with school and my other fics. This chappie is basically just me goofing off with Artemis and the girls. It was extremely fun to write. Once again, no Holly. Sorry folks! I promise she'll be in the next chappie. Anyways, here it is. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: Eoin Colfer owns everything blah, blah, blah.

Artemis walked in slowly the next morning, unsure of what to expect. He was unpleasantly surprised to find the chair was back. Tiff was fuming in a corner, searching through her duffle bag, Genny was humming to herself and combing her hair, and Alex was sitting on her bed, finishing writing an Email on her laptop. She looked up and smiled.

"Good-morning Artemis! Sleep well?"

Artemis nodded. "Yes, thank you."

"Sit!" Tiff ordered, walking over and pointing to the chair.

Artemis sat obediently, and Tiff immediately began tightening the straps. After several moments, Artemis let out a cry of pain.

"Er…Miss Tiff, if you would be so kind as to loosen the straps? They are cutting into my skin."

She started at him for several seconds, then rammed him hard on the head, tightened the straps even more, and walked off muttering to a corner.

"Oops, sorry! I should have told you."

Artemis looked up, his face smarting, to see Alex had walked over. She touched his cheek gently, then began loosening the straps.

"Why is she so…"

"Bitchy?" Alex sighed, pushing a few locks of hair out of her eyes. "Well, last night her boyfriend called."

Artemis blinked. "Well, that's good, isn't it? She'll have been happy to hear from him."

Alex looked up at him curiously. "Artemis…" She murmured uncertainly. "Artemis, he broke up with her."

"Oh." said Artemis, feeling rather stupid for not have comprehending this. "Oh. I…I'm sorry to hear that. Did he say why?"

Alex nodded bitterly. "Yes. That's the worst part. He said a bunch of terrible things. Then he said he didn't want her anymore because he was going out with…well, you remember Pricilla?"

"From the slideshow?"

"Yes."

Artemis frowned. "That wasn't very nice."

Alex smiled sadly. "Of course it wasn't! Why do you think she's in such a bad mood?" (Hint, hint, boys.) She finished loosening the straps, though they were still rather tight, and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek where Tiff had hit him.

Artemis blushed furiously, suddenly remembering the kiss she had given him the night before. "Uh…Alex…"

But before he could continue she had jumped back and rushed over to the corner where Tiff was fuming. As Artemis watched, Alex talked soothingly to her, and after several minutes the two of them walked back over to his chair.

Genny stepped forward, beaming at Artemis. "Welcome to day four of your Hottie Training! Today we will be teaching you how to compliment girls."

Artemis blinked. "You're going to teach me how to _compliment_ girls?"

"Yep." Genny nodded. "Okay, lets get started!"

Tiff gave him a murderous look, and he noticed the spray bottle in her hand.

"Now then." Genny giggled. "Tell Tiff she looks pretty."

Artemis paled, looking up at Tiff. "You…er…look very pretty this morning." He said rather shakily.

Tiff glared at him, and sprayed him in the face. "Nope. I could tell you were lying."

Artemis spluttered, and sneered at her. "Well of course you could tell I was lying! It's your friend who told me to-" But he was cut of by another well-deserved spray in the face.

"Now, let's try this again." Genny said happily. "Tell her she looks thin."

Artemis groaned in frustration. "You look very thin, Miss Tiff. Anorexic."

Tiff sprayed him again. "I could hear the sarcasm in your voice, Art." She tutted, though she looked somewhat happier.

"Try again, Fowl."

"You look…very charming today, Trish."

Squirt

"You look very pretty."

Squirt

"You are dazzling and radiant."

Squirt

"Hey!" Artemis shook the water from his eyes. "What was that one for?"

Tiff shrugged, now back to her usual self. "Guys don't say that. Try again."

Artemis thought for a moment, then an idea struck him. "You are prettier than Pricilla will ever be."

Tiff looked up at him, surprised, an odd look on her face.

Artemis continued. "Since she is pretty now, throughout the years she will only grow ugly and unkempt. But as you go from young lady to woman, you will grow more striking and gorgeous than ever before."

She stared at him for a moment, then set the spray bottle down and smiled. "That's much better, Artemis." She said softly, her cheeks flushed pink. "And…thanks." She added uncertainly.

Artemis smiled slightly. "I'm glad I could help."

They continued for the rest of the morning and well into the afternoon, Artemis complimenting all three girls in turn, until they decided he had learned enough.

"Very good, Artemis." Alex murmured, as she released his arms from the straps. "You even got Tiff to feel better!"

Artemis nodded weakly. His head ached, and his arms were raw, and all he wanted to do was go back to his room.

Once again, it was Alex who led him back. She was talking happily about something Artemis didn't quite understand. Something about the girl's Volley Ball Team at her school. Whatever it was she was saying, it was drilling into his headache. By the time they had reached the door to his room, the sound was almost intolerable. With a sudden act of boldness, he did something that made her stop dead.

"And so then Rita was like 'Liar!' and then I was like-" She was cut short by Artemis pressing his lips firmly against hers. She froze for a moment, then wrapped her arms around his neck and returned the kiss.

They stood like that for several moments, until Alex finally pulled away and smiled at him. "Umm…I have to go…Analyze." She said quickly, giving him a quick peck on the cheek and running back off to the guest room.

Artemis stood for what seemed like hours, stunned by his own daring, then turned and walked back into his own room.

A/N: I'm sorry it's so short, especially after how long I made you wait. I wont spend too long on the next chapter, but if you want a longer chappie I'll need some ideas. So, please help me out!


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